inspiteof,myself

Other clients said they felt that they felt like they were “not enough”; too weak, too quiet, too ineffective. I would find a quality of humility and grace in them which would not let them assert themselves as others did.

i don’t care about any of this.

“You just have to live in the moment, and you might not always know what that is, but it’s gotta be good.”

Megan Smith.

I can never be her. And it’s killing me.

If I strip you of your extremities, things that distract those who cannot see,

I’m left with a broken boy who’s only love cease to be

and the unanswered question: whats left of you for me?

I’m loving a shadow let me lend you my body,

now we’re attached to the sun

behind me you’ll follow, in front you will run

but beside me you are me and that won’t be undone

until upon us the grace of moons glowing face

diminishes the place of noon’s timely race,

now the heat of the day seems so far away

as i rip and i tear for a moment not there

though i screech and i squawk it comes as no shock.

These things that i say are undoubtedly true,

when you are loving a shadow the darkness finds you.

So I sit and I wallow in tears i won’t swallow

of sadness and doubt, I must let it out:

the hatred and anger, overwhelming dangers,

my fear of a stranger’s rejection,

confusion to delusion my deadliest infection,

meaningful words meaning nothing to me,

perfecting perfection til’ it’s all I can see,

waking my wanting was my biggest mistake

when wanting to be wanted is wasting my wake.

These things that I say one must agree

for I’m loving a shadow and the darkness found me.

When the sun fails to rise the moon conquers my demise

for she shadows the shadow that shaded my heart

shaming the love I felt from the start,

she catches the crystals caressing my face

and paints me a picture as I gaze into space,

her cold winter whispers are a welcomed embrace

whisking my mind swiftly away from this place,

she closes my eyes and captures my thoughts

but i push her away

my stomach in knots,

reminded of a shadow I can no longer see

and the seemingly soulful girl I use to be,

I’m thinking of noon and his arrival soon,

I promised the sun we would meet again

if it brought me the silhouette of a familiar friend

keeping him safe where moon dares not transcend.

You know these words i most strongly defend

yet I’m letting them out not to offend,

these pieces of his heart i cannot amend

still I’m loving a shadow until the darkest of end.